Saturday, July 31, 2010

Filipina & The Secret Lives of Men

Filipina and the secret lives of men. What a man wants and what a Filipina wants is ruled by this secret. A secret the Filipina knows about privately, but is hesitant to admit publicly. Denying this secret as not existing, affects what a Filipina really wants and who she winds up with? Does she just settle or wait for her ideal man? This question has been asked of every Filipina, Filipino and foreigner that I've encountered since moving to the Philippines and from what I've been told and from my own personal experiences, this is a short summary of what I believe to be true.

If, the Pinay is serious about love she is more than often looking for a man to settle down with. By settling down, this means she is looking for someone that she can call her own. You know, a man who won't sleep around and a man who will defend her honor as a woman in public and at home.

Every Filipina that I ever dated spoke about their life being on loan from God and that they were seeking meaning to their lives and if they were not in a relationship with the one they loved, then their lives were filled with emptiness and with the exception of their belief in God, had little meaning. When I was in the Filipina dating phase of my life, I found that the majority of the Pinays that I had the pleasure to hang out with were slow to anger, but my unwillingness to commit, was a deal breaker. I didn't want to chose anyone to marry while in the rebound phase of having just gone through a messy divorce. I felt it wouldn't be fair to the Filipina and it wouldn't be fair to me. Your emotions are too eager to be with someone, but for all the wrong reasons.

Some Pinays have had the unfortunate experiences of having had a boyfriend or two and failed in both relationships and when I asked why, the reason is often that the former boyfriend had another Filipina on the side. Most Filipina women give their all when they are in love and are sometimes very idealistic about love and romance, many times they deny the warning signs and rumors about their other half, until confronted with an "eyewitness account" of wrong doing and betrayal.

For the most part, a Filipina woman will forgive her wayward boyfriend and hope that whatever triggered her anger gets settled right away and she and her love can move forward. This is an act of kindness and the influence of her upbringing to forgive those who are human and commit acts that they may not approve of; a willingness to resolve any conflict soon, rather than later helps her to accept her boyfriend's shortcoming in hopes that he doesn't do whatever it was again.

Every Filipina I had the luxury of their company told me that they wanted to meet a man who was loving, caring and understanding, but oftentimes met someone who was just an option and not really serious about them or distracted by the attention of another Pinay. I will be the first to admit that their is no shortage of Filipino women looking for someone to call their own and the problem as is as I understand it and have been told by many Filipinas is that the overwhelming number of available Pinays make it too difficult for most men to restrain or refrain from committing to one woman. Now, the secret is out. Lot's of extremely attractive Pinays and beautiful Filipinas to choose among and there is no rush to do so!

This presents a serious dilemma for the average Filipina, because no matter how genuine her intentions may be, this is a fact that is often overlooked or frequently denied by most women in the Philippines. It's not that there is a shortage of eligible fellows to choose from, I've been told that it's just that the men most Filipinas encounter, understand this secret that there are many beautiful Pinays in their environment and there is no expediency to choose one. The majority of men that I have had conversations with and lived among, as what I have come to understand, simply admit that there are lots of beautiful Filipinas and that as a man, you should take your time and find a "good Filipina wife" when you're ready to settle down.

This short observation in which I have observed from my time living in Luzon, Visayans and Mindanao and living with a Filipino family and speaking frankly with numerous Pinoy and Pinay friends over the last three decades. Your experiences may be similar or totally opposite that of my own and I accept and understand that, so I hope that there were some insights about Filipina relationships, if not, why not share some of your own.

"To grow in understanding starts with a seed of patience and a fertile mind willing to accept change." Excerpt from the Book of Curthom

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