Are You Involved In A Relationships With A Filipina?

Any man who is involved in a relationship with a Filipina needs to understand the three principle influences on his Filipina. These three principle influences are the reasons why your Filipina does what she does and behaves in the way that you may find pleasing, unattractive or a matter of further discussion. Most of these principles are somewhat familiar to Western men or foreigners, but how they are interpreted may be foreign to most men outside of the Philippines.

The three most common relationships in the Philippines are familial kinships relationships, ritual kinship relationships and something called, “utang na loob.” Familial kinship relationships involve blood relatives. Ritual kinship relationships are numerous ceremonial relationships a Filipina has to her religion, her in-laws, her school, classmates (barkadas and kabigans), her co-workers, if she has been gainfully-employed for some time and professional associations.

The utang na loob relationship is generally what confuses most foreigners who are involved with a Filipina. Utang na loob translates literally as “debt to inside” “inner debt” or translating loosely, as “being grateful.” To understand utang na loob, you have to accept that Philippines society at its foundation is a society based on granting favors and accepting favors and this helps to keep interpersonal relationships grounded in the concept of reciprocity.

It is this reciprocity that holds Philippines society together at the interpersonal level and is expected by anyone and everyone who hopes to live within this society. Through the act of giving and receiving favors, one establishes utang na loob, or becoming in debt to someone. To whom a Filipina is in debt to depends on her status in society and the status of the person she is receiving from or granting to.

Utang na loob is but one of two types of debt that a Filipina incurs in Filipina society. The difference between the two involves the amount of emotions involved. The reciprocity of granting and receiving favors that exists in the Philippines to keep relationships favorable can be broken down to these two acts: contractual and utang na loob.

We are all familiar with contractual acts that involve a written or oral agreement between the receiver and the giver, such as a contract to build a house or provide a service. In a contractual act, each person involved knows their duties and carries it out appropriately and their is generally little or no emotion involved and when the contracted act is completed, all involved go on to something else.

With utang na loob, the giving and receiving of favors may be unmeasurable depending on who is giving a favor and who is receiving a favor. The most common utang na loob is the granting of a parent to their children, such as bringing that child into this world and a debt that the child could never repay. Every child is expected to take care of their parents in their parent’s old age.

Another common form of utang na loob is the sister or brother who provides for the education of her sister or brother and then their are the utang na loob of others, such as a lawyer who frees a wrongly arrested person for an alleged serious offense or the doctor who saves a person’s life. These acts of utang na loob can never be measured or paid back, so a person is forever in debt to the giver, whose status is greater than that of their own. So, in essence, being grateful is another aspect of Philippines society.

Being grateful and being aware of the gratitude that a Filipina has for her familial kinship relationships, ceremonial or ritual kinship relationships and utang na loob relationships, should help to clarify why your Filipina acts or behaves the way she does. Say for instance, you gave your Filipina a gift and she accepts it, thanks you and walks into another room and you’re left puzzled. It is considered rude in the Philippines to open a gift in front of the person who gave it to you. If, you open a gift in front of the person who gave it to you, they may deem you to be greedy or worse yet, that you will expose the gift they gave you to everyone else looking and that the gift may not be as opulent as the next person’s gift.

Foreigners involved with a Filipina will have to be especially careful when interacting with her family, for you may have obligations that you aren’t aware of if you don’t remember the act of utang na loob and how it influences everything around you while in the Philippines and even after you leave. If, you have a problem in the Philippines, just remember to consult with your Filipina first or a well-intended foreigner who have been living in the Philippines for a number of years. Also, think about reciprocity, receiving and granting favors, familial, ritual and utang na loob relationships and be grateful that you are able to travel to and stay in the warm, friendly and beautiful Philippines.

Filipina & The Secret Lives of Men

Filipina and the secret lives of men. What a man wants and what a Filipina wants is ruled by this secret. A secret the Filipina knows about privately, but is hesitant to admit publicly. Denying this secret as not existing, affects what a Filipina really wants and who she winds up with? Does she just settle or wait for her ideal man? This question has been asked of every Filipina, Filipino and foreigner that I've encountered since moving to the Philippines and from what I've been told and from my own personal experiences, this is a short summary of what I believe to be true.

If, the Pinay is serious about love she is more than often looking for a man to settle down with. By settling down, this means she is looking for someone that she can call her own. You know, a man who won't sleep around and a man who will defend her honor as a woman in public and at home.

Every Filipina that I ever dated spoke about their life being on loan from God and that they were seeking meaning to their lives and if they were not in a relationship with the one they loved, then their lives were filled with emptiness and with the exception of their belief in God, had little meaning. When I was in the Filipina dating phase of my life, I found that the majority of the Pinays that I had the pleasure to hang out with were slow to anger, but my unwillingness to commit, was a deal breaker. I didn't want to chose anyone to marry while in the rebound phase of having just gone through a messy divorce. I felt it wouldn't be fair to the Filipina and it wouldn't be fair to me. Your emotions are too eager to be with someone, but for all the wrong reasons.

Some Pinays have had the unfortunate experiences of having had a boyfriend or two and failed in both relationships and when I asked why, the reason is often that the former boyfriend had another Filipina on the side. Most Filipina women give their all when they are in love and are sometimes very idealistic about love and romance, many times they deny the warning signs and rumors about their other half, until confronted with an "eyewitness account" of wrong doing and betrayal.

For the most part, a Filipina woman will forgive her wayward boyfriend and hope that whatever triggered her anger gets settled right away and she and her love can move forward. This is an act of kindness and the influence of her upbringing to forgive those who are human and commit acts that they may not approve of; a willingness to resolve any conflict soon, rather than later helps her to accept her boyfriend's shortcoming in hopes that he doesn't do whatever it was again.

Every Filipina I had the luxury of their company told me that they wanted to meet a man who was loving, caring and understanding, but oftentimes met someone who was just an option and not really serious about them or distracted by the attention of another Pinay. I will be the first to admit that their is no shortage of Filipino women looking for someone to call their own and the problem as is as I understand it and have been told by many Filipinas is that the overwhelming number of available Pinays make it too difficult for most men to restrain or refrain from committing to one woman. Now, the secret is out. Lot's of extremely attractive Pinays and beautiful Filipinas to choose among and there is no rush to do so!

This presents a serious dilemma for the average Filipina, because no matter how genuine her intentions may be, this is a fact that is often overlooked or frequently denied by most women in the Philippines. It's not that there is a shortage of eligible fellows to choose from, I've been told that it's just that the men most Filipinas encounter, understand this secret that there are many beautiful Pinays in their environment and there is no expediency to choose one. The majority of men that I have had conversations with and lived among, as what I have come to understand, simply admit that there are lots of beautiful Filipinas and that as a man, you should take your time and find a "good Filipina wife" when you're ready to settle down.

This short observation in which I have observed from my time living in Luzon, Visayans and Mindanao and living with a Filipino family and speaking frankly with numerous Pinoy and Pinay friends over the last three decades. Your experiences may be similar or totally opposite that of my own and I accept and understand that, so I hope that there were some insights about Filipina relationships, if not, why not share some of your own.

"To grow in understanding starts with a seed of patience and a fertile mind willing to accept change." Excerpt from the Book of Curthom

Filipina, Is She The Perfect Partner For You?

How do you determine or not if a relationship with a Filipina is the right woman for you? Would you want to take a single Filipina as your girlfriend, fiancee or wife, how can you best decide?

If, you are at all looking to date a woman from the Philippines or from the United States or wherever you two are fortunate enough to have met, you have to consider this one belief, if you are to succeed with her and her family. Yep, that's right, you are going to have to take into consideration, the family she comes from, because if you ignore this basic truth, should you two get together in any kind of relationship, you're going to have one stressed out Filipina in the long term.

Family is as important to a Filipina, as eating rice several times a week or almost every day. It is a source of life and represents who she is and why she even exists, so a great deal of emphasis is accorded to one's family and it should be and why this astounds some Westerners or foreigners who get with a Filipina, I don't know. Let me share with everyone what I have learned from my relationship with a Filipina and much of what I'm about to share with you can be applied to a relationship in general, irrespective of your mate's ethnicity.

Some of you may be interested in an Asian woman because of the popularity of martial arts movies and some of you may have garnished an interest in Asian women from your travels throughout East Asia and/or South East Asia. However, your interest or preference for a Filipina materialized, if, you should understand what I'm about to write, you will have a challenging and yet, wonderful relationship.

First and foremost, there is no perfect person for you and you will never be a perfect person for the person you're seeking or the woman you're with. Shocking, but true. There is no perfect relationship. There is only a relationship where two people are willing to communicate, compromise and respect one another enough to allow love to flourish, in spite of their differences.

We can no more expect perfection from an imperfect mold, than we can from imperfect mothers and fathers. So, before a man and a woman enters into a relationship of intimacy, that may or may not produce a likeness of themselves (children), a man and a woman must first understand and respect, that they are imperfect.

Knowing their imperfections as a man and as a woman, will help them to proceed in their relationship to work towards a more perfect union. A perfect union is perfect only to the two people it concerns. To those looking outside of their perfect union, only imperfections can be seen and criticism, although sometimes as caustic as acid, should be deflected, just like a walk in the rain. Don't be too overly concerned about what others say, unless they too, live in a perfect union.

Life in a perfect union is one of great bliss and blessings and only those within it can feel this, first with their hearts and secondly, with their actions towards one another supporting that perfect union. Bear in mind, that even knowing that we are not perfect and we should strive to have a more perfect union with the one that we love. Don't let the drama within life cloud your judgment and force you to forget or suppress this elementary truth. Remember, no matter what we think or how we feel about someone or something, the truth always remains the truth, no matter who is interpreting it. Until the day becomes the night and the night rests, for another day, thanks for visiting. Curthom